In the first months of being a new mum, I was stuck on some random Friday in December 2019 Every day was Friday. It was so bad I wished my friend a happy birthday in January 2020 thinking it was February 2020 and it was still Friday.
From being an organised disorganised person to living a routine life, every hour scheduled I was slowly losing my mind, no wonder in my mind I was reliving the same day over and over again.
Every day I would wake up prepare to bath the baby, then do laundry, fix something to eat and then spend the rest of the day staring at the baby pop eat sleep and repeat. On top of that every two hours day and night I was awake feeding the baby. On random days my mum would let me take a break so I would take an evening walk to look at other human beings, I would be so excited at the sight of people and cars and trees and animals and basically anything besides the four walls I was stuck in.
Three months in, tiredness was part of my personality. I am still tired today. All I want is simple 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I will also accept 2days or a week of doing absolutely nothing. I will also never trade motherhood for anything.
Let me first tell you how I got in touch with the calendar. I got rid of the routines. As long as the baby was fed, clean and healthy. I allowed myself to skip a couple of days of laundry and I realised the random days the baby had her morning bath at lunchtime did not kill her.
I also started to do things for myself, I read a lot. I especially enjoyed Trevor Noahs’ Born a crime, I laughed so hard. A good laugh will give you joy and peace. I have never prayed so much in my life as I did then. I sought for My God and I must admit my spirituality has been doing good and going up since those days when i felt lost in motherhood. Natural hair care is also another antidepressant( I will write about this one day)
So my baby is 1 year and 4months and I am exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel. I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do. I am writing about this today with a lot of tired passion.
Mommy fatigue is a real thing.
I noticed lately while am packing and folding my cupcake is always right behind me busy unfolding and unpacking.(some days she gets her head stuck in the suitcase when the lid closes on her) I have never-ending piles of laundry, and food to cook. I also have to make sure she stays alive since she is always risking her life eating anything her hands touch. I also look forward to after 9pm with a lot of joy because that’s when she shuts down for the day.
That’s not so much work by the way because my sisters help. I don’t have a nanny yet, but I have some help at least. But my fatigue is not temporary its constant and consistent am already tired for tomorrow on top of that I feel guilty for the excitement I feel when the baby is sleeping or someone takes her a way for a minute. Those 5 minutes alone mean the world to me.
So I asked Google. “Why am I so tired” and I found out that hypervigilance is a thing.
Turns out when you are in charge of little ones, you are constantly in high awareness and physiologically that is exhausting. On top of that you spend the whole day focusing on other people, even with well behaved children,your focus is still the kids. That’s a whole job and it’s tiring.
It’s a privilege to be a mother and a joy to sacrifice.
Meanwhile I write these blogs in the early AM’s. It’s therapy keeps me sane.
Since am new at this, I would appreciate some tips on how to survive this phase of child development(is that what they call it even) in the comment section, and for any new mothers out there, you can share your struggles too. We can sharpen each you are not alone. For aspiring mothers. I am tired but I am also full of joy. These children will drive you up the wall and soothe you with hugs and kisses in the morning and when they smile it’s like your daily dose of weed, high on joy. I don’t know much about how dads feel because I am a single mom but I think about you guys too. To the fathers that stick around yours is Respect. The mums appreciate you.
Now can someone tell me if paint is safe? my baby has a daily dose of some from the peeling walls🤦♀️.
A small note to my baby Girl. If you read this one day. Know that mama loves you and will accept to be constantly tired for your case any day any time. I adore you and don’t forget to comment, like and share. Please don’t sue me for your pictures. Always remember Jesus is king.
Be kind, be humble , spread love.