How much Do I cost?#Day16_of_22

This is me

One day I asked My Father how much he was planning to make off of me with Bride price.

Thank God he was offended by the question and he said;

If I was selling, I would be looking for market by now.

He told me to think of it as more of an appreciation than a price. But I felt like if negotiation is going to happen than it was a transaction. He said some families these days don’t ask for anything and simply tell the grooms side to appreciate the girl. But that is so hard because then you can be judged by what you bring. That will show how much a man values(prices) his soon to be wife. And you can’t put a price on a woman. He told me;

“Culture takes time to grow and takes time die.”

Meanwhile one of my uncles recently told me I lost value because I got pregnant out of wedlock. “We have lost some cows” his words.

Any way Let’s get into

My Old Man’s tales 2

Papa said back in the day most marriages were planned by Parents. When a family had a friendship with another, they would betroth their kids to each other. The girl from a young age would be marked with a rope on her leg from the back of the “Azaka” tree, and then the families would exchange gifts as the kids grew up. When they got of age then the negotiations on bride price would begin. Bride price was determined by

  • Status of the families
  • The behaviour of the girl
  • If the girl was virgin
  • And when education was introduced, the level of education of the girl was added to the weighing scale

The negotiations started from 6 cows and could go as far as 20 especially if the girl was educated. The ceremony would last for over a week and during that, other bookings (betrothals) would happen.

Source:Pexels

In the event a boy picks interest in a girl, he would inform his parents who on approval of the girls family would visit to bring in the intentions of their son. The girls family would then start an investigation on the other family’s background, behaviour et al depending on the girls family values. If they liked what they saw then the NEGOTIATIONS would begin.

It got hostile in the event a rowdy boy was interested and the girl was not. The boy and his buddies would gang up and kidnap the girl then lock her in the room with the boy and he would rape her. (papa said they would meet each other in that room. But given the circumstances, those girls were raped not met with) All this while the boys are outside chanting and singing while preparing a cock given by the “rapist” to grace the event. They made noise so that no one would hear the girl scream.

This sometimes would lead to serious fights between families, and if the rapist is lucky it would end up in a NEGOTIATION, he would pay a fine of one bull for taking her virginity and a heifer if she got pregnant.


Those are some of the customs around traditional marriage among the Lugbara people in the West Nile region of Uganda.

The bride price conversation is depressing and yet even when I feel like I am being sold, the thought of my man spending some money to prove how much I mean to him makes me happy. I am confused. I guess I will settle for APPRECIATION and close my eyes to the NEGOTIATIONS.

Or maybe we could elope?

To preserve the Dowry and Bride Price culture or to let it die? Let me know in the comments..

Benjamin Watch has an insightful take on bride price on A daughter for a son cost.

It’s day 16 of 22

Tomorrow because I have dreamed of myself in a wedding dress all my life, it’s going to be a runway on here. My wedding dress Gallery.

Till then,

Be kind, be humble, spread love.

20 comments

  1. Thanks Tikia. There are many men who will pay which ever amount is placed on the table, yet refuse to value the woman they have married. They instead say that I paid for you so I can do as I wish. Bride price to some extent has given men boldness to own a woman and do as they wish with her.
    As long as you love me…appreciate my parents. I don’t even like the whole issue of negotiations cz am worth more than all those negotiations. That is what I would say as me. Don’t know about others

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well, I think dowry or bride price isn’t a bad practice as long as the girl’s family isn’t trying to make a fortune out of it (like how many seem to be going at it these days).
    The whole affair is a very interesting event & I’d like to call it more of an appreciation than a buy off. I don’t see myself just taking someone’s daughter like that, well, unless if she’s from a culture that doesn’t practice it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Today’s lobola negotiations are indeed transactions than appreciation. I told one of the bloggers about my friend whose family demanded a lot of money from the guy’s family. The guy could not afford the price, he went and marries someone else. Now my friend is still unmarried and she’s angry at her family for destroying an opportunity for her to get married

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I like your father. I know I will get a lot is stick about this but The concept of bride price for me is extremely backwards. But then again I won’t disrespect the culture and refuse to do if a family requires me to do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ‘It takes time to grow and it takes time to die’ . That’s a great reminder right there especially in those times where you wish you could snap your fingers and get to the time where everyone is enlightened and some of these things are a thing of the past. But we’ll do our best to teach as we go. From the comments and thoughts its clear that it’s still a divisive discussion with so many thoughts on it. For now I’ll also settle for appreciation.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Either bride price or appreciation, all are good except two things; motive and perception from both parents. I have seen marriages with very simple bride price that turned out to be great relationships among the two families and on the other hand extravagant bride price with no relationship between the two families and also vise versa. The girl’s father must be in position to always tone down the ego of his clansmen that don’t look beyond bride price.
    My wife’s father asked me for an appreciation and in respect of culture and love for my wife, we gave the much more than expected.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bride price is all Dependant on how families perceive it ..it’s appreciation period.
    You are taking away a daughter from a home she is starting a whole new life etc You can’t just take but appreciation towards parents.

    Alot of this needs to be revised today people no longer know why bride price.

    Thanks for sharing dear and as for your Uncle no words for him.

    Liked by 1 person

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