I will peel my skin off.

It’s that season
Time I check my heart
Time to check my heart
To see, have I healed?!

No, No I have not,
Inspite of the wound not fresh.
It’s that layer of hard skin.
I have to peel it now
A decent scar.
Is all I want

Funny how, I have to let go…
My shield for my soft… (skin.)
Yes…that layer of hard skin.
I have to peel  .. My skin.

The pain…
wasn’t there before.
I am.I was…a master at killing Emotions
To myself. I thought…
“That shit is for weaklings”
I mean being vulnerable

Salt to a bleeding wound
Can’t  even come close.
Something almost like,
A knife cutting through 
deep deep to the core,
of my soul.
It pains…
It does pain.

But For her,
I will do anything,
I will peel my skin,
Twice and more I will
A knife driven into my soul
I will
My heart wont stop to beat.
She is the reason I win
Everyday I win, I sing,I dance, I live.
She is my ease.

I know when I Thrive
She Thrives.

I hear them say
“You don’t care enough,
Do you even love her?
How can you not know that?”
Coupled with the judgemental stare;
It stings.

But that’s something I have overcome.

The other day she
Got my handbag and was on the phone,
Parading around the house
Acting like an adult she will be one day
Speaking gibberish to her imaginary friend on the other line.
A bundle of joy she truly is.
I was happy.

Until I realised I had no one to share this moment with.

It took me back to when she first kicked and all the times she did.
the same thing happened,
The crippling realisation that am in this alone.

I have people,
Beautiful people
That make me forget I am alone.
(Thank you for making my Cross lighter)


I don’t have him, For her.
To hold her, to protect her.
To experience each milestone

I think it was just the dance for him.

It was the wordplay for me,
The early morning messages
They always felt like sweet poetry
around a fireplace
with a glass of sweet red wine
in the arms of my lover.

I digress

I want him to experience each moment with her,
for her.

I can’t give her that
And it Eats at My soul
The guilt.

For me it’s most real when it’s him I call when she says her first word.
Not my other people
Because she is His
Just like she is mine
She is not there’s.


I have lingered here too long.

focussing so much on what I can’t control

He is not dead,
He is just another person with demons in his closet.


Back to nursing.
The wound is fresh.
But clean.
the next time I come back
it’s a beautiful scar.

For her
I will do anything
I will peel my skin off.
I will honour the Call to Motherhood.

No pressure.

A shout out to my Day 1 Ride or Die.

Sweet Jesus,

Great is thy Faithfulness.
You have not let me fall and stay on the ground
You have nursed with me all my wounds ever so gently.

The joy you give is my strength.

And when I forget to breathe
You remind me

Cheers to better days.

Hello there, Welcome back from that.

It’s also a letter to my daughter. I want her to know, For her I will be a better version of myself everyday.

I understand children draw there identities from there present parents and I want her to draw some of her strength and courage and determination from me.

This is also for any single Parent out their.

How you feel is valid. Don’t stifle that.

Don’t make decisions based on emotions. That is temporary.

You are enough for your child/children. Whatever is not in your control, surrender to the higher power. Only he can feel that void.

I’ll be back on Monday as usual for our devotion. It’s going to be on overcoming offences.

Till then,

Be kind, be humble, spread love.

28 thoughts on “I will peel my skin off.

  1. I loved this especially because you’re in a better place now than before. Being able to write this and share it with us is a big healing on its own.
    Never forget, Sweet Jesus will never fail, leave or forsake you.

    I really do love my baby girl’s (Eren) picture! Isn’t she a super cute one?😍😍😍

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I love how you poured your heart into this.

    It’s an absolutely beautiful first attempt at poetry. Scratch that! Nothing about it is an attempt.

    It was superb! 👌

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ohhh chineke😆😆you are a poet now. Chaiii God is good.
    I love your sincerity my dearest one. This is why I love poets. They have the ability to express themselves so well and it’s just too emotional to fathom that. Your cute little girl will grow to be as powerful, resilient and confident. I don’t doubt that. God has entrusted you with her life…please raise her as though you are doing it for the Lord.
    You are already a good mommy and she knows how much you love. Don’t be too hard on yourself. No one has got it together. We are all trying to be better but we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves.
    Love you lots bubu❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I am trying every literary avenue 😇

      And yes to doing it for God..

      This poem healed me in ways I can’t fully express.
      I may just release another make an entire chap book even

      Poetry is therapy.

      Thank you for the kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love the authenticity of your work. I have learnt alot from what you share from your experience as a single parent. You tell it for what it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m really inspired with your writing skills and also with the format in your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it抯 uncommon to see a great weblog like this one nowadays..

    Liked by 1 person

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