Of Death and Legacy

Hello there overcomers?๐Ÿค—

It’s been a minute. Consistency left me because life was busy happening. But I think I have come to realise I don’t want to share on here because I have to. I want to do it when it matters. And so we shall have an inconsistent consistent schedule.(If that makes any sense)

So the month of October showed me flames. I ended up in surgery that was successful, GLORY TO GOD. No complications and I am healing well.

For some reason I was convinced whatever was happening would not end in death. But I still thought about it. So before I say what I want to say today. I am sharing where my mind was on the night of my diagnosis.

12.October.2021

How I'm able to be here writing this, is a mystery. I am literally a ticking time bomb. 
I am convinced that this doesn't end in death though.
But I am thinking about it now.
So this is how being between life and death feels like;

I have made it a point to remind my sister to cut my babies nails and feed her well. I trust her because she follows Manuella Mulondo and I like her view on raising kids.
I also told her to burn my diaries because even I cringe when I see how my mind worked back in the day.
Now I wonder, why have I always been ashamed of my old self?
I never re-read my old thoughts because it reminds me of who I used to be.
We can't go deep into that because I am dying.
I want to talk about important things like.....

First off am not dying.
My life is just hanging on a very thin thread. I am bleeding into my stomach.

When I was told the results of the scan and how life threatening my verdict was
I felt a peace and calmness that I didn't have before the scan.

The Spirit nudged me right before all the pains started 3days ago.
I have been convinced of his faithfulness the whole time
But there is something powerful about knowledge. Knowledge is power.Not knowing what was causing the pain was scaring me,now that I know at least I know what to talk to God about.

Okay let me be honest.
When the news hit me all I could think about is if I would be able to make it to some job interview that would make my mum really happy before I could go into surgery.
I was busy asking the Doctor if this could wait. (So I could rush into the job interview and come back and save my life)

Even on my could be death bed I want to do what will make her happy at the expense of my life. I must adore this woman.

Anyway I am here right now trying to stay sane.
I am not scared.
My daughter gave me a sweet hug when I came back home today.Maybe she knows?
I find comfort in that.
My girl is on my mind.
I pray she grows up to be a Saint like her name.
I trust God to take good care of her if I do go.
I am thinking of what noble bible character she could be because my little sisters have a costume Sunday at church and each kid is supposed to dress like they favourite Bible character.
I think Eren is like the Prophet Martha.
She stood out in a time when women were the lesser person.
My baby girl was born to stand out.

If I die, I wonder what people will tell her about me....

I am here wondering maybe if I had multiple assets if that is what I would be worried about.

I was dying and all I could think about was what would my daughter hear about her mum. Not in terms of assets but in terms of Character. Things like;

oh dear, your mum was the kindest most giving person I knew in her day.”

I am glad that I didn’t think she was going to suffer. I trust my family to love her. I have seen them love her and I am convinced she would turn out to be a decent human.

Let me take a moment to thank God for my mum and sisters. They are the most annoying humans on this planet. But they love truly. I have disappointed them in so many ways but they will and have stuck around no matter what.

(Mr.God now I have no option but to be rich. You better do something oooh. My family needs a vacation)

So Legacy and death is what I want to talk about.

First of all the merriam Webster dictionary defines legacy as a gift by will especially of money or personal property.

This whole time I’ve thought legacy is about life and living. The things you’ve done and achieved during your life time.

I guess it just one of those words with multiple meanings.

There has been so much death happening this passed two years with covid amplifying the death rates world wide and I could not really write on that because I could not understand the position of the person that found themselves on a Death bed. We bless the Lord for those that survived. And for those that didn’t make it. May there souls continue to rest in peace.

Now that I have been in that position.

First of all when I passed out from pain. I didn’t see any bright white light maybe that is why I am still here. It was dark and time stopped and when I woke up I was still at peace.

In the face of death I was at peace. And I can only thank God for the gift of my life. And faith.

So coming back from all this, I found that two things are very important in this life. Spirituality and Charcter.

And spirituality fuels character. Maybe it’s just one thing.

SPIRITUALITY

I don’t think there is any spiritual entity that advocates for negativity.

Spirituality revolves around kindness ,love and humility.

It’s about peacefulness, mindfulness and stillness amidst storms.

Now that I am back, I am hoping that as I continue to pursue things like attaining wealth( I really want to be wealthy God help me)

I also want to find love. The one that can finally give me a good story to write about. The love that ends in growing old together and all those butterfly in the tummy enhancing feelings.

I want to see my Eren manifest greatness

I want every good thing that the lord wants for me.

But in all this getting, I WANT GOD. I never want to get lost in the pursuit of life in this world. I want to get lost in the pursuit of God.

I want for when my time comes to be at peace. I want the only thing in my Mind to be

GLORY TO GOD.

And I want Eren to say in her euology for me;

My Mama was kind, she was humble and she loved people.

Mama loved God.

(I am hoping I will also have won a nobel prize by then also ๐Ÿ‘€ If I do. She better mention it ooh )

If Legacy is a gift. When I die, I want my gift to be Kindness, humility and love.

Tikia with Grace.

And it’s a wrap beautiful people.

Somethings to think about;

who are you surrounding yourself with?

Where are you at with God?

Does death scare you? If it does why are you sacred?

Feel free to share with me in my dm’s. My socials are in the lets connect box down under or check the menu bar at the start of this page.

Podcast now available at Podcast on legacy

Before you go….

Did you know we got nominated for the fresh voice award? One achievement down already. I am over joyed.

(Drum rolls)

๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡

The Afrobloggers awards 2021 are here and Polls are open so go and get voting if you haven’t already. It’s once every week and polls are closing on the 14th November.

Vote: tikiawithgrace

Category: fresh voice

Follow the link below

https://afrobloggers.org.zw/afrobloggers-awVote: tikiawithgraceards-2021-voting/

Share like and comment

Until next time

Be kind, Be humble, Spread love.

9 comments

  1. Oh Tikia, I am glad that you are okay and I wish you a speedy recovery๐Ÿค—. Although everything was happening so fast and you could not keep up I am happy that you found comfort in writing your thoughts down.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hey Darling,
    I’m glad to know the surgery was a success and you’re strong enough to share your thoughts once again.
    Sweet Eren is blessed to have you as her mum.
    The gift of a loving family is a blessing I’ll never take for granted.
    God bless your mum and sisters.
    I used to be scared of talking or thinking about death but now I’m in a better place. And fear has nothing on me.

    Liked by 1 person

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